Turn and face the change (16th Post)

Some of the changes in my new life as a Christian are fascinating (at least to me) - those who knew me before may be surprised.  I don't look much different but there is a difference.  Personally, now that I know what having the Lord in my life is like, I don't know how I ever did without Him.  Just sayin'....

One of the things I did after the spiritual attacks was to rid myself and our house of items that had links to the enemy.  Some things were obvious - music, books, movies, statues/items associated with other religions, and things I had collected in my travels.  Other things I had to pray about.  How did I determine what to get rid of, you may ask?  

On the movies and books, I considered the message and theme - most were obvious choices.  Movies with witchcraft (no matter how positively presented), war, debauchery, and sex were  easy targets.  Some movies were difficult to get rid of but I figured if it feels wrong it is wrong. Most of the movies thrown away were watched once and ended up on the shelf anyways.

Other items I struggled with were military history books and the box of personal items I had packed to "run away" and join the enemy.  Once again I considered the message and theme.  Books on nazi Germany were out, leadership was in.  Now those of you who buy books know they aren't cheap - I probably threw away a few hundred dollars of books alone.  I got rid of tons of music, the obvious ones being some of the more popular heavy metal bands but there were a lot of other groups that went out also.  Anything that was "new age" was also gone. That crap is just witchcraft in disguise.  Sorry folks but just listen to the message.

Next up were items I had collected in war zones, general travels, and in "sacred" sites I had visited.  I say "sacred" because they weren't sacred to the LORD.  Finding everything I had brought back from the first gulf war was difficult.   Those items were buried but I found and got rid of several items.  Heck, they weren't serving any purpose anyways, just sitting in a chest.  The items collected at "sacred" sites went out also.  I had rocks and artifacts from all over the world, which I figured were homing beacons for whatever was plaguing me.    

Thought I would remind everyone...

The last to go were the video games.  Some were easy as they had a "negative" theme or I didn't play them any more.  I did keep the game console and several games that I had managed to convince myself were "good".  After a few weeks or so I destroyed the game console and got rid of the remaining games.  This is the conclusion I came to:  I play games to vent my aggression and escape from reality.  When I go on a game "binge" (I can literally play for days on end) I am in that particular game world.  Any interruption is greatly resented and results in a large amount of anger and rage being directed at the interruption.  As I was thinking about what the games had done to my life I realized I had allowed the enemy to enter my house and steal from me.  A difficult pill to swallow, that one....

As I sat playing games my children were ignored and my first wife moved on, resulting in divorce (OK so there were other issues but this was one of them).  Still I played on, even more now.  The games I chose became more and more realistic, darker, and elaborate, drawing me further into their world.  My new wife (my Light shining in the darkness) tried to break through but met a wall of resistance, hostility, and denial.   The only thing that broke the spell was the Lord.  With the Lord in my life I was finally able to see what damage these games had done to me and my family.  As the saying goes, "That's several years of my life I'll never get back."  End result was a pickax into the game console.  It might take me a few minutes to get there but when I arrive I'm all in....

Next thing to contain is the computer...and cell phones.  One way I am attacking this is to go on a "computer fast".  I have started with a day-long "fast" of keeping the computer turned off and will continue to build on that until I don't feel the need to check the computer.  Cell phones - imagine not responding to the ding of an incoming message or other alert. I like having information and the ability to talk to loved ones almost anywhere in the world but I long for the days when I wasn't so distracted by all this technology.  One way I have dealt with this in the past is "negative technology" trips where I don't have my phone on or with me, and no other devices to distract me.  I have went on one or two of these and it helps clear the clutter out when the only thing you hear is the sound of the wind and your noisy body (it was the MRE's, I swear...). The only problem with the previous trips I had taken were the lack of purpose in them.  I look forward to another trip, this one with a clear purpose of getting closer to the Lord.

Some of you reading this may think I went to extremes, but I can honestly say I don't miss any of it.  As an example we had a movie in our Netflix cue called Get Him to the Greek.  Before all this we would have watched the movie and laughed  about all the content.  When we did watch it the language, debauchery, and sexual content made our jaws  drop!  In the last few months our frame of reference has changed from that movie being normal and funny to it being shocking and embarrassing.  I don't miss the music I got rid of, either.  Christian music has come a long way since  I last heard it in the '80s and has a lot to chose from.  Well, I like it now anyways.  I initially had game withdrawals but the pick axe cured that.  Now I have time for yard work (yard looks much better now) and projects around the house.  I am living again.

Epilogue (Sort Of) (15th Post)

Jan 2012-

I have been holding off on this one trying to figure out how to proceed.  An epilogue is a section or speech that serves as a comment or conclusion after the story ends, but this story hasn't ended.  It just keeps getting better and better.

After the attacks had been defeated I have continued moving forward.  Our Pastor is discipling (training) me, and I have many new-found friends in Christ.  I participate in at least two bible and book studies, and am studying the Bible with an understanding I have never before possessed.  I am blessed at work, and financial issues are being taken care of.  Pain and worry are removed, when asked for.  How does this happen, you ask?  Prayer.

One of the lessons I had with the Pastor was on how to pray.  I pray daily, for about 20 minutes.  If I need to, I pray longer or pray multiple times throughout the day.   If I have a specific need I pray for that by itself.  As an example one Friday I helped a friend working on his barn roof.  I was very sore ( I know, I know - office work is making me soft...) the next morning - so sore I couldn't hardly move my arms.  I prayed for the Lord to lift the burden of pain, and by the time I walked from the bedroom to our dining room for the breakfast my wife was cooking the pain was considerably less.  By the time breakfast was over no pain.  Coincidence, you say?  Consider this - the pain was concentrated in my shoulder joints and is commonly known as arthritis.  When this pain comes on it usually sticks around for hours or days.  I usually just suck it up as I don't like medicine.  Now I don't have to.

Another thing I don't have to put up with is stress and worry at work or anywhere else.  It is pretty simple - if I have a problem or situation I cannot handle myself, or is a complex event that I know I will stress about, I leave it at the foot of the Cross.  Through prayer, I present my problem to Lord Jesus and ask him to take charge (not the "book version" of how to do this but it works for me).  I then just sit back and wait for the Lord.  I often ask for Him to "clear a lane" for me.  Once that "lane" is cleared I can walk in and do what I need to do.  An example follows:  Recently we had a vehicle demonstration for some customers.  I asked the Lord for assistance early on and never looked back.  I actually felt guilty because it was just too easy.  The demonstration turned out to be a great success, and the Lord took care of me at every turn.  When my boss wanted to shoot the weapons (organic to the vehicles) as part of the demonstration, the Lord made a complex task that usually takes several months to approve and coordinate happen in a mere three days.  Then He had the customers change their travel dates and the shooting portion fell off the demonstration.  My boss was disappointed but I knew the Lord was looking out for me as our weapons and ammunition were old and unmaintained, and could lead to misfires and weapon malfunctions (leaves a poor impression with the customers).  The other vehicle demonstrations I had done prior to giving my life to Jesus were logistical nightmares, akin to setting up a three ring circus with a herd of cats as laborers.

PTSD is another one the Lord Jesus took for me, free of charge.  People may dispute this or argue that it can't be cured without counseling or drugs (the VA way...) but I know better.  How do I know?  The dark thoughts are gone.  The guilt is gone.  I can talk about people I lost in combat without getting emotional.  The Lord has lifted that burden - I know this because He needs me free of PTSD to move forward; to be able to do His bidding.  Clearing those lanes for me....


Listen, I am not saying I have a special formula or am better than anyone else.  Our Pastor gave a sermon on second chances recently, and he's right.  The Lord gave me another chance at life and I am taking it.  I dunno - I may be slow but I ain't stupid.  If the Lord took the time to intervene in my life I am darn sure going to take the time to listen and receive the message.  The main result is that before all this happened I believed in the Lord, even in my darkest years of rejection and rebellion.  Now I KNOW He exists and died for my sins on the cross.  I-Know-Without-A-Doubt...that is just one of the blessings the Lord has given me...

On War...(14th Post)

The date is December 2011, around the 20th or so.

As stated two posts before, my wife had become the target of an attack by the forces of evil.  I count this as a counter-attack, as the Lord used me to deliver a message that helped a woman right after I gave my life to Him (post 13).  The forces of evil were angry and couldn't get to me like they used to, so they went after the next best thing - my wife.  My guess is they were thinking I would blame God if something happened to her (like I did when my first marriage fell apart).  Guess there was some more teeth-gnashing going on by the time our Associate Pastor (AP) got done with them...and my faith in the Lord was even stronger.

So back in Post #12 we are meeting with the AP due to this attack.  He needed some background information from us on our level of "exposure" and what other things may be going on.  By exposure I mean occult-related things we had been exposed to or had been doing or had done.  (BTW these are my definitions and words so you won't find them in your ministry textbook.  Just gotta bear with me.)  My wife tells him she had been friends with a Wiccan (unbeknownst to her), and had pagan friends.  I mention incidents back in the first Gulf War where guys in my squad had messed around with an weegee(ouija) board.  I also had artifacts from the various battlefields and locations I had visited in my travels.  We were also very sympathetic to "New Age" crap and other religions ("what if they are right?""they aren't harming anyone" sort of sympathies).  This, of course, had been in our past but we still had items from those times present in our house, buried in boxes or on display.  We also tell him about the "visits" from something.  These visits had gotten more and more frequent since we I don't know if he believed us but to his credit (and his wife's) he took it all in stride and prayed to bind all of it.

So by now some of you may be wondering what the visitor was. I couldn't tell you.  I do know there were different types; you could feel the difference when an evil one was there or when a not-so-evil one was there.  I guess it was the squad of evil entities assigned to us, and every now and then this scene might have been played out (pre-Message):

<entering house in a puff of smoke>
Immediate Supervisor Entity:  How are things here, devils?
Senior Entity on Duty:  All is well sir.  That one is still mad at God and the other one still struggles with her burdens.
Immediate Supervisor Entity: And the new plan?
Senior Entity on Duty:  On track, sir.  He is getting ready to join, and should be taking his first steps towards the fall soon.
Immediate Supervisor Entity:  Excellent.  This has been easier than I thought it would be.
Junior Entity:  Sir, Sir!  Watch what happens when I scare them!
<after the commotion dies down>
Immediate Supervisor Entity:  It never ceases to amaze me that they never call on God to help them.  Carry on, devils.  Don't have too much fun with these two...
<leaves in a puff of smoke>

While I make light of this it was dead serious - we would wake up feeling something in the room, or sometimes we could feel it before we went to bed.  That feeling was usually a feeling of oppression and dread, and we could count on being woke up in the middle of the night.  Sometimes I would see something out of the corner of my eye, but when I looked there was nothing.  The frequency and intensity  increased after the Message was delivered (Oct 2011).  My wife had her feet pulled one night, and another night I was woke out of a dead sleep by a loud clap, and I saw our bedroom door opening. Initially I thought it might be the dog but it was sleeping (great guard dog, that one...) and I just stared at the doorway but nothing happened so I went back to sleep.  There are lots of other incidents, not just here but in other places we have been.  We just assumed one of us was haunted...

Not so, as our AP showed us.  He told us we could take authority over these things and send them packing.  I knew I could say "I command you to leave in the name of Jesus", but before then I never really believed, and that part is really important.  Post Message Joe was different.  Not so long after the entities were bound we were asleep one night, and both of us woke to a evil presence.  Before it knew what happened cries for Jesus were going forth, it got commanded to leave in the name of Jesus, and some crazy guy was running around the room trying to kick its butt.  I could see that report: "I don't know what happened - I went in as usual and then they started hollering and calling Jesus and then I got commanded to leave in Jesus' name.  I didn't even have time to react and one of them is running around in his underwear trying to snatch me up!?!"

We had very few incidences after that; one day after work I sensed a presence as I came in the door.  I started reading Psalm 91 where I last felt the presence and then followed it into a closet when it moved away from the Word of God.  I felt chills up and down my spine as I read the Psalm, but I didn't stop and the presence left.  The other incident happened when a lady from church came by and was attacked by some evilness.  I had been home all day alone and had felt a bit "heavy" or oppressed, but otherwise had not noticed anything (thief was in the house and I didn't notice).  After a few minutes in our front room, the lady suddenly told my wife, whom she was visiting, that she needed to pray immediately.  She prayed with us (very powerful woman!) and anointed a few doors.  She said whatever it was did not want her there and had started attacking her.  It fled, and showed me that power is not limited to big strong men.  It also showed us that HA!  we are not crazy!  Someone else had felt it and had been attacked.  After that I stepped up the Psalm 91 readings, my wife and I prayed in every room several times, and I pray every night for protection.  This is one of the reasons the Lord had the lady from across the lake tell me to find a church.  The congregation members took this very serious and gave me several scriptures to read, and gave us instruction on how to defeat this threat.  The threat, however, might be gone for now but they are re-grouping for another attack.  Guaranteed it will be a sneak attack, as the enemy is cowardly.

I know some of you are skeptics - we have been conditioned not to believe these things and anyone who talks openly about them is branded a looney or a bible thumper or whatever new label the enemy can use against us.  I will say this:  THE LORD IS REAL, JESUS IS REAL, THE HOLY SPIRIT IS REAL.  THE BIBLE IS TRUE.  ALL OF IT.  These statements are the truth; one of the things that raced through my head when the Message was being delivered that October day. That it was all real.  All of it.  This was an understanding I was given.  I was given my faith back, a gift from God, and it burns brightly within me.  So if you believe in God and Jesus and Angels and the Bible then why can't you believe Satan exists, with all his minions, and regularly attacks us?  This is not some televangelist "evil spirits, OUT!, now send me $100" scam.  We are under attack every day, from television to the radio to  video games to the filth on the internet to the disinformation in the media.  Open your eyes --> pray for this.  Take it seriously; don't get complacent.  I have prayed for the Lord to open my eyes and keep them open and vigilant, and continue to pray for wisdom and guidance, among other things.  And I am still trying to beat up the evil entities.

Partial Victory (13th Post)

In my last post I mentioned I had forgotten to mention something, due to the excitement of the counter-attack story.  This event is probably what got the enemy all riled up.

The afternoon after I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior I went off to Detroit on a business trip.  There was really no reason for me to be there, as the main purpose of the trip was another companies' product.  It was, however, being displayed on one of our vehicles so my presence was requested by the other company.  Initially I didn't mind going; although it was Detroit in December (freezing) it would be a full week of per diem (additional pay for traveling).  After I was saved I didn't want to go - I just wanted to stay in church and worship, or do something.  I remember telling my wife, somewhat annoyed, "Where's everybody going?  We have work to do!"  I was ready to do the Lords' Will, and soon would have a chance.

It is funny (not HA HA funny, but interesting funny) that the Lord started taking care of me right away.  Now I need to say He has always taken care of me, but now that I had awakened I could see much better.  I had been worried about driving in the snow, so the weather was unseasonably warm.  No ice was on the road, and the bad weather held off until I left.  I was also told it had just been bad weather a few days prior.  I don't know about you but I praised the Lord for that.  I also received a free vehicle upgrade to a luxury car.  Usually I get one step above a Smart car and look like an escaped circus bear in a clown car.  More praising...when I got to the hotel I was given free reign in the little shoppette by the front desk (reserved for platinum members, which I am not).

Some of you may say "Well this stuff happens to me all the time - so what?"  Well the "so what" is these things DON'T happen to me.  So because of this I am riding high, and I stop to think.  The Lord has obviously blessed this trip, so what is His purpose while I am here?  What is His Will?

In the morning I link up with the guys from the other company and we go onto the military base where the product demonstration is taking place.  We get badged, and go over to the huge facility where the demo will take place, and wait.  And wait.  And now I want some coffee.  So I look at my badge and it doesn't say "escort required" and I go on a coffee quest.  After some wandering I find a coffee point, get my coffee and head back.  Trouble is I want  a pastry or something unhealthy like that with my coffee.  On the way back I find a little store and go in.  Inside is a middle aged woman with extraordinarily clear eyes and a friend is sitting with her.  They say hello and I hear a frog croaking and comment that I didn't know this store was even in this facility.  The woman's friend gives me a sales pitch and I find the unhealthy food.  I think I picked the breakfast of champions, little chocolate donuts, and a bottle of water for later.  I go to pay and set the items on the counter.  The woman is staring behind me, and since I hear the TV I figured she is engrossed in her favorite show or something, and move out of her way.  I ask her "How much do I owe you?" and she says, "What did you put on the counter?"

Right about then I won the World's Smartest Man award, as a little light went on over my head and I thought "She's blind, styooopid!"  Gee, what an epiphany...that explains the frog; it croaks to let her know someone is coming in the store.  So I manage to keep my composure and pay for my items, and go back to my area tell the others where the coffee is, and think about what just happened.  All. Day. Long.  About 3:30 PM (1530 to us military types) I come to the conclusion she is the reason I was sent up there and go back to the little store to I don't know what.  Only thing is she is gone for the day.  I resolve to go back the next day.  First opportunity - gone.

That night I prayed about what I should do, and the next morning headed out to do the Lords' Will.  At the facility I head to the shop, full of purpose.  While walking down the halls I feel a power welling up within me, and radiating out towards my arms.  I am a bit surprised at this as I have never felt it. I have been in various combat situations and felt adrenaline rushes so I know the "fight or flight" feeling.  This was a different feeling, and I felt like I had power like one of those fighting video games where they launch flames or whatever at each other.  I almost tried it....  As I rounded the corner to the store my heart sank. There was a customer in there with her and I was too embarrassed (scared) to do anything.  I waited a couple of minutes and the customer never left.  I chickened out and went back to the vehicle demo.  As I walked back I felt about knee high to a grasshopper.  I said a silent prayer to the Lord and asked for forgiveness  since I had failed Him.  A few hours later I head back, with the same scenario and the same results.  Only this time no power rush.  I head back feeling lower than a snakes belly.  I had failed the Lord again.

That night while in my hotel room I prayed to the Lord, asking forgiveness and what is the course now.  I was given a message to pass on.  How do I know it was given to me?  I never stay stuff like what I told her.  Especially not to total strangers.  The next morning it was do or die - I flew back the next day, and would not have time to go on the base and try again if my nerves failed me.  At the facility I headed grimly over to the store.  The store was empty, except for the woman and her friend.  After some small talk her friend headed in the back to make some more coffee or something so I thought "OK, the Lord can't make this any easier."  I set my water on the counter and tell her what it is and the bill denomination (I found out during the small talk that people on that base are stealing from the blind shop owners by giving them dollar bills and telling them it was a 20. I told them the Lord would deal with them...).  As she is giving me my change I hold her hand with both of mine and give her the message:"Ma'am, you have a special light of God in you.  May you receive all the Lord's Blessings."  There.  I finally did it.  I am expecting something to happen...trumpets, healing, clouds to part, angels singing, music, something.  What I got was a thank you, and come back and see us.  I also saw a tear stream down her face.

As I am walking away I am thinking "All you had to do was deliver a message and you screwed it all up."  I am praying silent prayers asking the Lord for forgiveness since I didn't or couldn't do what he sent me to do.  I am a bit disappointed, mainly in myself to not being stronger and am feeling a bit like Peter at the Crucifixion.  Kinda like I failed the Lord, three times.  I fly home, and later that weekend talk to the lady across the lake about what had happened.  Only she called me to ask me what had happened.  I told her about church and all that had happened, and then mentioned the woman up in Detroit.  She tells me the woman was very close to ending her own life, and the message I gave her was exactly what she needed to hear, and that her situation would be improving soon.  I felt better after that, knowing that I had accomplished my mission, at least partly.

I do wonder what would have happened if I had went in on the first attempt.  Only the Lord knows...

New Beginnings (12th Post)

Timeline:  Dec 2011

Psalm 23

Tuesday morning (Dec 6) I walk into the IHOP and ask where the church group is meeting.  I was early so there were only two early birds at the table.  I didn't know what to expect - would they reject me or ignore me or what?  They welcomed me and politely asked who sent or referred me.  I say I was sent here, and they ask by whom.  I hesitate a moment and I then pointed upward.  He sent me.  They must have thought I was crazy.  Heck, I thought I was crazy.  Things are happening so fast and decisively in my life now that I sometimes feel like I am in someone else's life or like I am in a dream.  

The rest of the men arrive and the lesson and camaraderie begin.  At the end of the meeting the Pastor asks me who brought me to the meeting and I tell how I listened to the online sermon of his and then was guided to the men's ministry.  I recount who sent me and we set up a meeting for the next day (Wednesday).  I was surprised that nobody was really shocked or surprised when I said the Lord sent me, although there were some curious looks.  Funny how things play out - six months ago if you told me any of this would be going on in my life I would have laughed and aggressively told you where to go.

Wednesday evening rolls around and I go to the church.  I am a bit apprehensive, as I haven't been to a church but as I enter I get the feeling that these people are here to worship the Lord.  I felt really comfortable and we talked for about two hours (double the allotted time I guess).  The Pastor was prior military and maybe that is why we connected like we did.  He lets me know he will train me (there is probably a more churchly term for this but my frame of reference is military-based).  I tell him he doesn't have a choice - he has been chosen for this task as I have been led here.  I don't know why I said that but I said it, and I didn't mean it in a bad way or a commanding way.  It is what it is, as the saying goes.

That same week, or maybe it was earlier, I privately surrendered my life to the Lord.  That Sunday (11 Dec) after the meeting with Pastor I publicly gave my life to the Lord.  I don't know how it works but I felt a push to go up to the altar and just went up.  That must have really made the Enemy mad because the following week, while the Pastor was on a well deserved vacation with his family, they struck.  "They" are the forces of evil-and they do exist.

My wife kept getting calls on her phone from an unfamiliar phone number from Junction City, KS.  As I had been stationed there at one time and several soldiers we had mentored at one time ended up getting stationed there, my wife and I thought little of it and waited for them to leave a message.  Monday after work my wife had me listen to a message left by the unfamiliar Kansas number.  What I heard chilled me to the bone.  It was a message saying they were watching my wife and were after her.  The voice was creepy and the background noises were even worse.  I knew immediately what was going on, even though I had never heard stuff like that.  The Enemy couldn't get to me so they were going after my wife. My wife kept playing the message over and over trying to figure out what it was but I knew it for what it was. Evil, pure and simple.

We decided to let the lady across the lake listen to the message to see what she thought, so the next day my wife played it for her.  She immediately started praying and I think that is when my wife figured out this was serious.  She recommended we get with someone at the church to deal with the evilness.  She also mobilized her resources at her church to protect us.  My wife had done her research on the phone number and found out it had been disconnected for several years and wouldn't be back in circulation for about two more years.  There was no way this number could have been reassigned or used by someone. I texted the Pastor for a church point of contact (on vacation, remember) and he gave me the Associate Pastor's (AP) number.  We coordinated to meet after work, and when it was time to go home I was beside myself.  I was frantic to protect my wife, and as I got on the interstate heading home I had a sudden urge to pull over.  It was very strong, so strong I knew it was coming from an external source (gee, do you think the Lord is trying to get your attention?).  I got off the interstate at the next exit and pulled into a parking lot and started praying for the Lord to protect my wife as she is heading towards our rendezvous.  This whole episode set me back about 5 minutes, but it really put my mind at ease to know that the Lord was watching over my wife as she was on the causeway.  As I got back on the interstate about a mile or so up the road an accident had happened a few minutes earlier.  I laughed, as I knew the Lord was on my side and had protected me from this accident (I would have been in it, from what I could tell).  As I sped on, after about 10 miles I felt the urge to slow down.  I slowed to the speed limit (ok, I was really speeding) and lo and behold another accident that I would have run into.  I just laughed again - the Lord is on my side, who can stand against me?

My wife and I met up and go to meet with the AP and his wife at the church.  We get past the formalities and start with the business...only the AP is not moving fast enough for me.  I gotta say, looking back, it was kind of funny.  My military side had kicked back into high gear and I was out for blood.  These things had attacked my family and tried to get me twice just getting there to the meeting, so I wanted a counter-attack.  I don't know what I was expecting but I wanted the AP to yank that thing out of the phone so I could beat it's--well, you get the picture.  The AP started by listening to the message and trying to get to the bottom of it all.   I start fussing at him and he proceeds to agree to pray (I am thinking WT...agree?  I want to smash this...) and prays to bind it.  I am praying to destroy it and anyone associated with it and please let me be the instrument of their destruction and if someone dressed like the devil would have walked in he would have gotten a whuppin then and there (good thing it wasn't halloween or something).

We end our praying and talking after an hour or so and leave.  Turns out the AP did an excellent job and no more phone calls.  He also took care of some other stuff that goes bump in the night.

Next Post:  Something I forgot and things that visit in the night.